Pumping grenades on automatic towards a target, Gulf War 91.
At breakfast yesterday in a local cafe, I was asked by a local here in Ohio if I was watching the build up to the new Pope.
No, I answered…I’m too busy gardening.
So you’re not Catholic then, the person asked.
I’m not religious I answered, well not in the way that you and many others here are.
That was it, he got on with his coffee and I got on with my breakfast.
On the way home, a 3-4 mile drive through the morning traffic, it really got me thinking. Something that I have dwelt on for a good few years now.
I’ve been out of the military after 23 years of service from 17 yrs young to 40 for over 30 years now, therefore longer out than in. I told my wife not too long ago that I was at my happiest in war, and explained why…there’s a reason she’s my wife…she understood!
A crazy comment for your average Joe to hear, but it’s absolutely true.
In war, I was self-assured, I could react immediately when things didn’t go to plan, but most important of all, I was comfortable and happy in an extremely testing and dangerous environment.
But let’s put things into perspective here: That’s work, away from family.
My wife, my kids and my grandkids come first…every time. When I’m with them, wherever that may be, I’m comfortable and I’m happy.
When I’m not with them, and when I’m not at war…I’m lost.
And the older I get, the worse it gets.
I’m useless away from family or a family member and in the company of others. I’m not comfortable and I’m not happy.
On my own I’m fine. Because I can think about my wife and family…or I can think about my time in war (almost 40 of my 70 years was in and out of conflict around the world (23yrs military and 17yrs as a security adviser in conflict)).
When I’m training, running or gardening, I’m on my own, but I’m happy because I’m thinking of family…or war.
Of course today I’m not in the SAS, but I still see it as my religion.
Religious people pray when they need to. I think about my time on SAS operations when I need to…to me that’s the same thing.
I have always been a great believer in energy, ever since I was young. I can make a call on a complete stranger, just by the energy they’re giving off. Again, I’ve been able to do that from very young.
I can feel the energy of those who have died years ago. I can feel the energy of my kids and grandkids who are an ocean away from where I live.
Right now one of my kids was rushed to the hospital with what will no doubt be a premature delivery of her unborn baby. I felt it, I called…and I was right.
An ocean away, we are all made of star dust, full of electricity, yet teeny tiny individuals in a vast space.
Yet this individual could feel the energy from my daughter.
This individual won’t pray, won’t light a candle, won’t ask anyone else for their thoughts and prayers.
I’ll just send my energy back to her. I believe in myself, no one else, just myself.
Those years spent in conflict, I believed in myself, and my belief is strong, it has to be, because my religion is the SAS, and my church is every operation I’ve been on.
For those of you who are religious, I respect you, those of my spiritual mates know that.
Bob Shepherd 